I've been thinking more about this again recently.  Reading "The Life of Pi" and it had a bit implying that agnostics were fence sitters unwilling to make a commitment to any point of view.  I decided I didn't like this so I've reclassified myself again.

I've been feeling a bit bizzare recently.  I'm really dissassociated from myself and almost feel like I'm the managing director of dave rather than someone actually genuenelly involved in the day to day operations.

Today however I've found out that the snow next week when I'll be snowboarding is really good and on top of that we had a fire alarm so I've had some beer, so I'm feeling really happy inspite of the lack of genuine involvement and interest in my life.

So that's some kind of shite post I think I'll go do a bit more work.

OK, so this ones been around in my head for years, and now-a-days it really starts to reak of 'The Matrix' or 'The Truman Show' but:

I have no proof that I can take my life at face value.  I don't think it's all virtual reality (aka the Matrix), if "they" had the technology for fully immersive VR then I don't think they'd have the imagination or interest in recreating old style computers and technology such as we use purely for my entertainment.  Try emulating old computers and consoles on your pc some time and you'll see just how unconvinving a world containing that kind of lie would be.

I think it's much more likely that the "world" in which I live is much more similar to the Truman Show but on a much larger scale.  All the people in my life played be actors.  I don't even have any genuine proof that the the various countries I've visited genuinely exist.  I go on a plane which allegedly takes me somewhere new... all I percieve is some cheesy movies and a lot of shaking and noise... for all I know it could just land again in the next block down with new sets around me and some new actors.  They put on funny accents and invent a whole heap of crazy "customs" and "cultures" but I'm sure I could come up with half that kind of stuff at a push.

So, the important question... why?  Is it all some sort of test or experiment?  Is it purely for entertaining (although to be honest I doubt it'd be very interesting entertainment to watch (and maybe if people are watching I should behave a bit more sane...)) 

I guess I'll just have to take everything at face value and live on accepting (most of) the assumptions "they" want me to accept.

Gotta go... my "boss" wants me to do a little more "work" before I can go "home".

My wife conveniently typed all this up so I thought I'd whack it in here... I'll add some pics later.

Good morning -

Dave and I have had a fabulous Christmas and New Years season - and hope that you have all enjoyed the same.

Christmas Eve we were joined by 5 friends who were to stay with us until Boxing Day.  Following glasses of champagne and nibbles we went to Midnight Mass at St Pauls which was an experience.  St Paul's is lovely despite all the scaffolding inside whilst they are cleaning the stonework - it is the first time that either of us has been there.  We were seated part way down the main body of the church.  There were lots of little usher man dressed very gallantly in tails - we nicknamed one of them gargoyle and another vampire.  Sadly we only knew two of the carols - the first one and the last one.  We also could not hear the choir very clearly as they face one another and are miles away from the congregation - plus the organist seemed to believe it was their responsibility to drown out any voices.  It all began at 11.30pm with an impressive parade up the aisle.  The majority of the service was sung whilst the Bishop spoke for about 15 minutes as midnight approached.  Just after midnight small groups of people stood up in all different parts of the church and departed in a scurry - we came to the conclusion they were a bus tour and had been instructed to return to their bus then.  However when communion started at about 12.30 lots of people began leaving - which we all thought was rather rude.  The recessional was disappointing as they didn't come all the way down the aisle but went off to the side.  We were very pleased at the end
when we wandered out of St Pauls and were able to get a taxi straight away
as all public transport had finished running at 11.30pm - and we had been slightly concerned we weren't going to make it home.  Once we got home we took turns phoning New Zealand whilst drinking port and for those who liked them eating mince pies. 

Christmas Day without children is quite relaxing - we slept in until about 8.30 - then the kettle was put on and we all opened our stockings (we had each had someone else's name to do a stocking for with a maximum limit of money).  There were more phone calls to and from Australia and NZ.  We
had a huge cooked breakfast and everyone showered.  Then we went for a walk along the Thames, and back up through Mudchute Park and along by Millwall Docks back to the apartment.  It was good fun - especially as we found some children's playgrounds to lark around in on the way.  Once home we opened all the pressies under the tree - and then it was some time for relaxation and ham rolls if we so desired.  We all read or slept for a while.  We played a game of Traveller's Trivia - and then it was time to prepare Christmas dinner.  This was not that difficult - as various people
prepped veges, I put the stuffed turkey breast in the oven and then we played a few games of Twister - hilarious photos were taken.  Everyone changed for dinner - and we sat down in candlelight to roast turkey with all the trimmings and great wine at 7pm.  We rounded off the day by
watching Princess Bride on the big screen (we had a projector to play our DVD's on) - and having some dessert.

Boxing Day we arose, had porridge and showers and then split up - with Brett et al returning home to prepare for their afternoon appointment to see Lord of the Rings.  Dave and I went with Tamie and Ben to Whitstable on the northern coast of Kent for Fish and Chips in a restaurant right on
the beach.  Afterwards we walked along the promenade to allow our delicious fresh food to settle.

On Saturday Dave and I drove up to Leeds to have lunch with Grandma and Aunty Betty.  It was wonderful to see them and to have the opportunity to catch up.  We then drove over to Rotherham to see Martin and Roy for the final time before they migrated to NZ.  Although it wasn't within our
plans we ended up staying the night with them at Martin's parents place.  It was a very pleasant evening with Dave sorting some stuff out on their new computer and us giving Martin and Roy lots of tips.  On the Sunday we went to the local massive shopping centre and spent a very happy few
hours shopping.  Martin and Dave went off and did boring stuff whilst Roy and I went "girlfriend" shopping - although the majority of the things bought were for Dave <grin>.  We had lunch and then dashed back to Rotherham before taking off for Wales - somewhat later than originally planned. 

We finally arrived at the cottage just outside of Betws-y-Coed at 1800 - to find Tamie and Ben well settled in with dinner cooking, the fire going, and their stereo all set up.  The next 7 days whisked past.  The cottage was fabulous and we are really impressed with National Trust - it was also great being self-contained and being able to prepare all our own meals.  We were in an isolated rural area with fantastic views across a valley to snow covered mountains.  Although it rained a few times - it was mostly at night and didn't effect us one bit.  Much to Tamie's disappointment it didn't snow - although the first few nights saw some heavy frosts.  We are having a very mild winter. 

Monday we split up - Dave and I went and explored the local village.  It is quite a pretty village - although caters entirely to the mountaineering tourists.  On Tuesday we all went together to Holyhead.  Now other than the fact that the ferry's for Ireland depart from there - well no other
reason at all to visit.  We drove back along the southern coast of Anglesey and other than looking at a burial chamber were not very impressed.  We were unable to find anywhere that was serving food and ended up going to the Safeway at Bangor for a sandwich.  We decided to save the day by visiting the castle at Beaumaris built in the early 1300s by Edward 1st.  This was excellent as were able to scramble around everywhere - very little was not open to tourists.  Mainly the walls and
towers are all that remain - although the chapel was interesting.

Wednesday we again split up - Dave and I discovered a Keep called Dolwyddelan - which we had entirely to ourselves.  This was built prior to Edward 1 by Llewelyn, Prince of Gryffyd.  The views from the top of the keep were fantastic.  We also got to do some slip sliding around on the walk up to it on the icy paths.  We tried finding a roman ampitheatre marked on our map - however the Welsh are rather hit and miss about having signs up.  And although we knew we were in the right area we had no idea which way across the mountain moors to wander - and it was rather cold
to just go gadding purposelessly about.  Thursday we had a very quiet day - Friday Dave went with Tamie and Ben to do more exploring whilst I had another quiet day - luxuriating in my own company.

Saturday Dave and I had lunch in a country pub in Capel Curig before driving down to Caernarfon to visit a walled town and another of Edward 1's castles.  It was another fascinating stroll through and along the top of thick stone castle walls.  There were also some exhibits that gave very
interesting history of Wales.  It was very foggy driving back - quite dangerous at times and Dave drove very slowly.  Sunday we packed up and drove home.  Dave and I stopped off in Shrewesbury and had a look around.  It is a nice city - we wandered down to the Abbey - much of which was
destroyed by Henry VIII (a man who has much to answer for) - and up to  the Castle which sadly was closed until mid Feb.  We had a delicious lunch at a Brasserie - before the long drive along dreary motorways home.  We were very pleased to stumble back into our cold apartment at 1645.  We unpacked and Dave dropped the car back.

Today Dave has returned to work - i have a further two days before once again facing reality.

So, I'm at my new job and everything here is in general pretty cool.  It's nice and close to home and I have the view shown from my window.

Trust me, in real life that view is actually quite nice.  Through the crappy camera on my phone it looks a bit more bland and nasty.

Question of the day.  Is Maths an inate property of the universe, or is it a purely human invention.

My answer is human invention which I might go into more later, but for now lets just say, find me 5 identical things to count (genuinely identical, not identical via human analogy) and I might consider the inateness of maths.

Have a good christmas everyone.

Much as I hate to post a url the has gay_sex in it, this is a very good little philosophical conversation between God and a Christian in regards of morality specifically in the context of homosexuals.

I particularly like the early part where it discusses the "truth" and "morality" of the bible which very competently states my personal views in a way I've never been able to effectively describe... I'll be using that next time I'm in a discussion with some people :)

http://www.thinking-big.co.uk/gay_sex.htm

Been busy...  quick update and some pics tomorrow maybe.  Had the anual christmas party for friends and family at the weekend, it went really well.  Far too much mulled wine was consumed by all.

Finished up with teaching drunken people how to PowerBall out on the balcony, luckily no one broke the ball, and it turns out drunk people are crap at learning it.  Most of them could barely pull 5-6k.  I got my highest score ever 11222 but the next day my arm was a bit sore.

And tonight I have my work christmas do, which will hopefully be a bit of a mad time had by all.

Better get back to work :)

So I may have had a few bevvies and I may be in an introversive mood... but...

I've been thinking about my feelings in relation to a previous relationship...  and regardless of the facts the thing that sticks in my mind is that I don't actually hold anything against the person in question at all, the main thing that I resent about my previous relationship is the way I behaved and the situations I placed myself in.

I can critisize other peoples actions as much as I like and pass blame, but at the end of the day I always had the power to make the choice not to accept the situation so the only person I can blame is myself.  And in hindsite, I think that's the only person I do blame... any resentment I have shown over time has purely been a cover for the embarasement and revulsion I feel for my own poor behaviour and handling of the incidents.

Well...  that's enough drunk rambling... fall over time :)

So friday started like so many other days, watching RI:SE then Stargate on telly, then wandering around the house aimlessly.  But then I realised maybe I was feeling crap due to lack of caffiene, so I had a coffee and went and saw Alien - the directors cut, which was very good. 

I feel it needs to go back in for a little harsh editing...

I've now got a new job, but I'm currently unemployed waiting to get a start date and get back to work.  There's stuff I should be doing with my time but I seem to lose hours to TV and movies
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I went and saw Seabiscuit today, which is an okay movie but very heavy on the American Schmaltz... aparently this horse came to symbolise everything about the lower class american man...  but a good enough watch if you've seen everything else that's going...
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I think I'm going through one of those what's the point phases :(  I did some smartphone development on Tuesday afternoon and it went really well and I was getting back into it, then I discovered something new that meant the afternoons work was pretty much a waste of time :roll:  oh well... so much for my new found motivation.  I'm gonna try and get back into it again tomorrow and see how it goes.

I better go, I'll post ya all later